I heard we made out
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Randomize
