Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
