You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Randomize
