From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize