So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
