I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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