I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
