I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
You are a genius and a whore.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
