oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
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