i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Randomize
