im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
