We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Holy shit dude........stairs
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
