Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
