Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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