he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
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