Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Randomize
