I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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