and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
