he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I think people are normalizing furries
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Randomize
