Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Randomize