can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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