It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
