If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Randomize
