We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
