I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
we're chasing vodka with high fives
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
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