So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I want to have your abortion
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
