Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Randomize
