I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
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