I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize
