The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
