it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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