when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
