I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
