I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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