I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
