U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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