respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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