dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
