I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
