i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
