i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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