All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
