Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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