**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
