I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
