Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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