so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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