Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
