Umm I'm too high to move.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
