I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Send help, water and tortillas.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
