guys are only as good as the porn they watch
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
