He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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