I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
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