he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
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