awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
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