Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Randomize