i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I had to cum in my sink.
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