Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
