it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
