I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Randomize
