u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Randomize
