My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
