We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Randomize
