McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize