Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Randomize
