i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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