In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Just invented taco cereal.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
