I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
