im gay
i know
yea but for you.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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