Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
