it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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