You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
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