i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
