Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
