my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Randomize
