I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
