she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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