Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
