Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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