I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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