Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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