i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
you made out with another girl for some wings
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
