Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
