i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
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