i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I have peed in a lot of sinks
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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