**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
