we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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