I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I fill condoms, not promises.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
