yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
