apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
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