I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
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