We're facebook friends in real life
I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
