Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
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