Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
